reasons to be a goth*

• you like ipswich town hall
• you fell in a thorn bush
• you don't like your mum
• marilyn manson is your mum
• all your friends are blonde and you're not
• your whites went dark grey in a mixed load
• it's like being a ninja who's just given up
• you don't play cricket
• your tracksuit and trainers are now "chav"
• it's one step away from that boyzone-style undercut you had
• you thought "poison" was french
• you're no longer a papist, but like that crucifix
• you're colourblind and have 'matching' issues
• you own a sword shop
• you've run out of shampoo
• your eyeliner slipped
• you're a boy, and your "friend"s eyeliner slipped

*3 or more to qualify.